sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
