i just sent this text using only my big toe
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize