You're my little dorito
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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