Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
