Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
