I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
