Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
