I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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