This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
COCAINE IS GR8
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
