3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
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