Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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