so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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