Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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