I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
