it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
