it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
