Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
