Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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