Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
