And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
