I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
