Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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