Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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