I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
