In America we eat man semen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
