I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
