My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
