If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
