Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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