1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
worst night to have a conscience
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
