just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
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Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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