Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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