My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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