The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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