guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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