why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
