she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
