Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
