whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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