He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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