hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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