my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
