Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
