what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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