I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
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do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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