if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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