Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
