Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
