The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
