I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
