talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize