just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
