what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
