do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
