We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
