So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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