We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
