Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
