I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
