We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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