They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
