just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
