he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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