Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
