I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
