Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
