my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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