She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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