Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
