If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
of course. lets lasso hookers.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
