pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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