You just made me feel so damn special
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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