I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
