mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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