I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Randomize
