I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
