Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
