He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
