Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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